Loss of Privacy

Bosnian Muradif Hasanbegovic, 36, was serving a seven-year sentence for robbery in the Karlau prison, near Graz, Austria.  He wrapped himself inside a very large box and mailed himself out of jail.

Hasanbegovic worked in the prison where he packaged lampost parts.  Other convicts helped put him on the mail truck and, once the truck was clear from the prison, he jumped out of the box and ran away.  The driver noticed this just as the prison called and asked, “Have you noticed anything funny? We are kind of missing a prisoner.”

Prison warden Franz Hochstrasser said: “This sort of thing was not supposed to happen. Guards need to count prisoners at the end of working hours. We are investigating the case.”

Hasanbegovic is still on the run.

From Ananova.

Armed robbers in Atlanta, Georgia held up a sex shop and used the store’s kinky, fur handcuffs and leg irons to restrain the store’s employees. While the incident was captured on video, the masked men have gotten away with about $234 in cash.

In Salt Lake City, Utah, another idiot has done his family proud. He was upset that he couldn’t get his Burger King food his way. Staff at the Burger King informed him that, as a pedestrian, he couldn’t walk up to the drive thru and order food. He pounded on the glass and then went to a nearby payphone to call the police with a bomb threat at the Burger King. Unfortunately for him, the payphone was in sight of the Burger King employees. He was arrested a few minutes later.

In Dutch news, Annemarie Jorristma, a dutch MP, went on national TV and has demanded Dutch prostitutes for the troops so that they can relax. The idea is backed by the Dutch sex workers union. Ms. Jorristma worries that there aren’t enough ways for the troops to let off a little steam. There are only 2,000 Dutch soldiers stationed in Iraq but, apparently, most are pretty lonely and in need of some company.

Lastly, a Chinese university professor is being criticized for his naked lecture. His point was to challenge current taboos. The professor first had four models strip while he lectured. Then he invited his students to strip. And, not to be left out, the professor stripped off his pants as well. Okay, this is more funny to me than anything else but many of the students were uncomfortable and probably wasn’t a good idea for this professor to do.

According to Ananova, August Voegl, 59, from Jennersdorf, Austria, accidentally fired a four-inch nail into his left testicle with the compressed air nail gun he was using.

Emergency medics were called in after Voegl was unable to extract it or pull himself away from the roof.

He was later airlifted to a nearby hospital where he is reportedly recovering well after surgery.

Back in 2002, Robert Cusack decided it was a good idea to try to smuggle Slow Loris Pygmy Monkeys in his underwear. All was going well for Robert, until the rare birds he had hidden in his luggage got out and flew around the Customs Agents at LAX. It was then that Mr Cusack decided he had to come clean stating, “I have monkeys in my pants.” Cusack ended up spending 5 1/2 months in prison and paid an $1,100 fine. His friend was a little bit more lucky, eluding the law for four years.

Chris Molloy was Cusack’s traveling companion on the same flight but managed to get through customs with two newborn Asian leopard cats in his carryon luggage. He promptly ran to a hotel and called his sister for help in getting rid of the cats. After four years of investigating, authorities arrested Molloy on Monday in Palm Springs.

Molloy is being charged with receiving, concealing and transporting wildlife, four counts of illegally importing wildlife, and making false statements to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service and will be arraigned sometime next week. If convicted, he faces up to twenty years in prison.

Molloy’s sister, Darlah, wasn’t arrested but was named in connection with the crime, including witness tampering, obstruction of justice and two counts of illegally receiving, concealing, and transporting wildlife.

As for the animals, all of the birds that Cusack smuggled died. The Lorises are in the Los Angeles County Zoo. One leopard cat is with the girlfriend of Darlah Molloy’s son, who reports that it is skittish and the authorities don’t want to bother it more than necessary until they can find a proper home for it. The other leopard cat ended up in Texas with the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service where it is in a proper facility.

What I want to know is, why I can’t take a cup of coffee onto a plane but these men can put pygmy monkeys and leopard cats into their pants, with no one the wiser. If Cusack was a real man, he would have put normal size monkeys in his pants.

That’s right, a Serbian man, who was suffering from premature ejaculation listened to his local witch doctor’s advice that having sex with a porcupine would cure his ills. Unfortunately, he ended up in the emergency room when the porcupine wisely decided this was not a good idea.

Although the porcupine was unhurt in the incident, the man was not so lucky. Hospital personnel had to repair his penis after the porcupine extended its quills into the man.