Let me start by saying, I hate this show. I don’t try to hide my hatred, nor my bias. If I were not married, I would never even look at it, but, with marriage comes compromise and each week I am subjected to one of the worst television shows that I’ve ever seen. That said, I recently watched the episode titled Broken Home and learned some interesting things that CSI: Miami is teaching people.
Rich people, who live in big houses, have lots of secrets to hide and Horatio will find them all
Horatio’s team finds out that the babysitter’s mother was sleeping with her boyfriend and that the babysitter and her boyfriend killed her parents. He also learns that the 12 year old Montavo boy is a thief and the neighbor, who is a doctor, is a serial killer. Yes, Horatio will expose all of you and he will always catch you. As Frank, the cop, says, “that’s the thing about these neighborhoods…big houses, big secrets.” The moral here? Don’t be rich and you won’t have all these secrets and problems to hide.
After being shot in the head, you only need a few weeks to get back to work
Delko recently got shot in the head. He must be some kind of guy to be completely recovered in three weeks. He had memory loss but is somehow cleared to work in such a short time. Surely, he must be some kind of superman. Of course, he makes a mistake and says he came back too soon but I’m sure he’ll be back next episode, magically recovered. Sure enough, he’s back next week, forgetting how to use equipment, but still on the job.
If you are in trouble, you should rat someone else out to make it easier for yourself
We have taught our young people well with television indoctrination. The Montavo boy, who at the tender age of 12, has learned that, if you rat out other people, then that helps your case. When Horatio discovers that the young boy has been stealing from his neighbors, his first reaction is to say that his babysitter was doing something bad as well. Too bad he hasn’t had logic class yet. He believes, and Horatio tells him, that, by ratting out someone else, he does indeed help himself.
If you’re a minor and your parents are suspects in a murder, you don’t get an attorney
Horatio questions the 12 year old boy without the presence of his parents or a court-appointed attorney. This is okay because the boy is really guilty of theft and we can skirt a few laws if it means getting our man, even if the man is a boy.
If a law enforcement officer asks often enough, then you should do what they ask
In this episode, Ryan repeatedly asks the girl for her cell phone. She eventually gives it up without a fight or a search warrant.
If you flee from the police, you are guilty
While in this case it was true, this is not necessarily true in all cases. On CSI: Miami, however, every single person who runs is guilty of something.
If you aren’t hiding anything you should just give up your DNA
The boy’s father is suspected of killing the babysitter’s father. They want to swab his cheek and get some DNA to see if he really did it. Natalia and Ryan present their case to him in a way that says, “if you’ve got nothing to hide, then give it up.” This tactic is used quite often on CSI: Miami. Every now and then, a bad guy will say “not without a warrant.” Of course, the bad guys who say this are usually the biggest jackasses going, leading ordinary viewers to the impression that only jerks do this sort of thing.
Horatio does a good deed
Often, Horatio does a good deed to make people more sympathetic to law enforcement. In this case, Dr. Mike Lasker is a serial killer who stole a bracelet from one of his victims. Not only does he figure out that Dr. Lasker is a serial killer, he makes the daughter of the victim happy by returning her property to her. Horatio always seems to find people who have been wronged and help them. This way, you can end the episode with a warm, fuzzy feeling that the bad guys are in jail and law enforcement loves us.
Considering CSI: Miami is one of the most watched shows on the planet, it is scary how they consistently skirt the law, screw around with people’s rights, and neglect to let the viewer know that what they are doing isn’t quite kosher. This is only one episode. Imagine what you can learn over the course of 20-25 episodes in a season. Really, I want to kill my husband for making me watch this crap week in and week out but, I’d bet all the tea in China that Horatio would rush on up to New York (or send those CSI: NY guys) and catch my ass.


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